Sunshine in April

‘We’ are not Queen and we – really just me since I’m writing this alone – will not rock you in the same sense even though Rock N Roll will never die… But I digress.

The rock I’m talking about includes all the little things we weigh ourselves down with until together, they feel like boulders on our shoulders. They are in our pockets. In our head. All over the body. We carry the rocks with us all day and often at night as they tumble around, keeping us from or interfering with the needed release of sleep. They weigh on the chest like lead weight to the point breathing is quick and shallow. We feel overwhelmed, unable to take that deep breath and clear the weight, even if for a little while to rest our weary beings.

     Stop.

          Breathe.

               Put the rocks down.

But how you ask? I’ve been holding on so long, I don’t know how. I don’t know where to put them or how to let go. I’m afraid if I put them down, they will pull me into the abyss with them, and I won’t get back up.

You’re not alone. I carry them, too. And I’ve carried extra ones for the past two months with a crazy busy quarter that had me working 7 days a week through April. Maybe it was the weight of the rocks and forgetting how to put them down, but I took an ungraceful tumble at Costco early May. I was jogging across the drive lane, right in front of the entryway on a busy day with lots of people to witness. My knee simply buckled and down I went, but I jumped up like a rock star on stage ready for the next set. Ok, maybe not like a rock star, but hey, we’re talking rocks here.

Was that my body telling me I’m carrying too many rocks? I’m not paying enough attention to my stress levels? I’m being literally pulled to the ground by them? That I’m subtracting years of health and life from myself. I don’t know, but it was a scary reminder I was not taking consistent care of my health. I did a 5k just 6 months earlier and now down I went – the decline gets faster with age, so the time to start breaking up those boulders is now.

Time to wake up and get moving. Time to put down more rocks than I pick up. Time to remind myself to let go. Well, at least time to consistently remind myself that I can practice these things.

Again, the question is how. How to start? How to put them down if even for a little while?

The first step is identifying them. Do this by separating them into large categories, such as home, work, school, family/friends… However you classify them is fine – that is what they mean to you. The important part is to get started on the process. I like old school pen and paper, so you can write the large category headers and visualize them.

Next start listing the smaller categories into each large header. Again, this is up to you as to how they fit into your life. Some items will overlap, and you can decide to focus them into one category or split them into two. For example, finances can impact multiple areas such as stressing about paying rent (home), stress about having money to go out with friends (family/friends), being able to afford major car repair (make it to work).

If you prefer starting with smaller categories, that works as well but then do separate them into the larger categories.

Once you have everything categorized, stop and take a break. You’ve done enough work on stress. BUT don’t forget to come back.

I’m just hanging and waiting for you here…

Hi! Welcome back to your rocks and boulders. I know, it’s an unpleasant task to come back to, but keep the long-term rewards in mind. Less stress, fewer rocks, and more time to roll.

Step 2 is to work on scheduling worry time for your categories, preferably not within an hour or two before bed. Pick ONE – preferably one of the smaller headers and not take on the whole boulder of work at one time. We’re compartmentalizing to focus on one thing at a time.

If you’re struggling with what to pick first, separate your categories into pieces of paper in a bowl to pull from. Or have fun with popsicle sticks in a jar. You can pull one out at ‘worry time’ and focus on it. For worry time scheduling, this can be 15 minutes with a timer or only while cleaning up after dinner. It can be getting ready time for work or on the drive to work.

This will take practice, so don’t give up in the first week or two as you’re practicing. Something to help you transition away from the ‘rock’ will be important as well. Getting out of your car – Time’s up! Starting the dishwasher – Time’s up! Timer goes off – GET UP and walk away focusing on the room you are walking into. What’s on the wall? What is around you? Anything to switch gears, like changing clothes when you get home from work.

At first, focus on the problem if that’s your jam. This is emotion or problem focused and where many of us get stuck. It’s ok to be stuck as you’re practicing the compartmentalized scheduling. BUT there is a time to move on. If you’re already there, focus on potential ways to problem solve, or being solution focused. In a week or two, for the emotion focused, the practice will be getting out of that zone into the solution focused zone.

I’ve been stuck in work zone for the past few weeks with this half written, multiple times editing, put aside or simply forgotten, and I came back after submitting grades this morning. I’m tired, so I’m going to leave you with working on practicing problem solving using your own solution focused style – NOT emotion focused (that’s a no no once you move on to next steps).

I’ll come back later and give you some techniques for working on being solution focused.

For now, compartmentalize, pick one, focus, then set aside. Remember, we’re practicing breaking up the boulders and setting them down for a little while.