Sunshine in April

I’ve joked for a long time that April is MY month – it’s even named after me! Of course, I know the opposite is true, but it makes my birthday month more fun. People call my name for 30 days straight, we usually celebrate Easter (but sometimes it’s in March), and ‘my’ showers help bring May flowers. But in western Wa we get to celebrate the flowers (tulips and daffodils) now, especially at the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival with massive fields of colorful flowers and spring weather in the air.

I’ve always liked birthdays, and as I age, they have taken on new meaning. They are a celebration of life while we’re still here. My goal has always been to make it to age 100, then decide if I was ready to throw in the towel. I thought living a mostly healthy lifestyle with movement, lots of veggies, as much laughter and travel as possible, and friends and family who mean the world to me make it a possibility. So, 100 didn’t seem like a stretch. Then cancer. When I received a diagnosis that yes, it was cancer, I was devastated. At 47 I wasn’t sure I’d make it to 50, much less 100.

After a year of hell, aka cancer treatment, with chemotherapy, 2 surgeries, and radiation, I was declared as having NED. No Evidence of Disease. That is the phrase my treatment providers use in lieu of cancer free because there is always a risk of cancer returning. I will forever be at a slightly higher risk than the general population because something about my nature meets nurture, how my genetics intersect with my environment, has shown I am at risk. Yes, the survival rate improves with each year you show NED, which is why the 5 years is a benchmark for some. Even though the further away I get from treatment and the less that experience invades my brain, there will always be that twinge of possibility.

Maybe another reason for the 100-year goal is that I’ve battled depression since age 11. I didn’t know what I was dealing with for years nor did I reach out for treatment for until mid-20s. At that time, I was on the verge of ready, but mostly was pushed into it because of a graduate school requirement towards becoming a counselor. I now know this biochemical brain/ body disease can be persistent for some of us. I deal with Persistent Depressive Disorder, formerly Dysthymia, along with yearly bouts of Seasonal Affective Disorder and the least fun episodes of Major Depressive Disorder. I won’t go into the ins and outs of these compounding issues, but depression is associated with higher risks of cancer. Hmmm. Did this disease of depression predispose me to cancer? I’ll never know for sure but do believe it offsets some of my healthy behaviors, which include battling these diseases with all that I can muster. All that I can muster means healthy behaviors become an uphill battle during the worst of it, so maybe that compounds the risk factors for cancer and even heart disease which is also associated with depressive disorders. Yay me.

At my 50 years of life mark, I was 2.5 years post cancer treatment. WOOHOO! Halfway to my 100-year goal. Maybe, just maybe it’s still possible. Shortly before my 50^th birthday which included a survivorship year planned with multiple adventures, COVID hit. No first cruise, not even a birthday dinner out. All shut down. I was still committed to celebrating that year and not afraid of getting COVID. I was not going to live my life in fear. I’d already been through hell. No cruise. No birthday dinner out. Judge me or not, but I was determined to have other adventures! I’d do the forced precautions, but I was not going to stop. I couldn’t. I had to celebrate because I made it and wasn’t sure how long I would make it. I went on my first rv across country trek with my sister to create a unique second home near my extended family and a sunnier / warmer winter climate getaway. I went to Myrtle Beach for a week’s vacation for our yearly sister week gathering. I went to Mexico with my amazing friends. In spite of everything including almost losing my younger sister to a traumatic brain injury related to addiction, it was mostly a good year. Because I was still here to experience life.

The next year, just before turning 51, I was 20 lbs overweight. What many don’t know is that most of us gain weight after breast cancer treatment. This is a result of the whole-body poisoning with chemo that goes along with a massive drug regimen in order to offset things like nausea and white blood cell plummet, then the after treatment medications with their own set of side effects. On top of that tendency for post treatment weight gain, my thyroid went kaput exhausting me and giving me a lack of give a shit towards healthier behaviors. It took 4 months of that pissed off reluctant daily likely forever treatment to regain energy.

Then came a fateful phone call from my cousin which led to my first ever adventure into an MLM – something I swore I’d never do. I was getting back on track for health and working to encourage others to do the same. I was coaching and meeting new people across the country. That proved to be healing and empowering. The mostly women I met and interacted with were full of positivity and encouragement towards all personal goals including weight loss yet more around whole health which is my jam. In spite of the ups and major downs of that adventure including the loss of my younger sister – again to her addiction, I can never thank my cousin enough for that phone call.

Even though I’m no longer part of the group, the experience led me to many of you. My virtual friends who I LOVE celebrating birthdays with. Yes, they may only be a virtual message with a little song or celebration meme and sometimes I miss them, but they mean a lot to me. I smile when I send these messages. I smile when you say thank you. I smile, laugh, and am lifted with many wonderful messages on my own birthday – not meaning to be a shameless plug.

I’m still here to celebrate birthdays, so why would I only celebrate my own? Yours is selfishly meaningful to me as well. I say CELEBRATE! Celebrate aging. Celebrate mid-life. Celebrate old age. You’re still here. This yearly rite of passage is your day. Do something that makes you happy. Makes you smile. Or laugh. Celebrate with friends. Celebrate alone. Go out on the town. Stay home. It doesn’t really matter, but it is your day.

You’re still here.

You’re still alive.

CELEBRATE