Sunshine in April

Did you know critical thinking (CT) is healthy for your brain?! It pushes you to think on different levels, consider other points of view – like your partner’s (you know those times when they should agree but they don’t), and actively strengthen neural connections.

So, what exactly is this thing called critical thinking and how do you develop it?

Critical thinking is a form of directed, problem-focused thinking in which the individual tests ideas or possible solutions for errors or drawbacks. It is essential to such activities as examining the validity of a hypothesis or interpreting the meaning of research results (APA, 2018).

In any scientific study, CT is imperative for results with more objective answers. It is also important in building strong personal relationships, especially in times of disagreement. When you are using CT’s objective analysis of factual information to form a conclusion, you are going through a process that can potentially prove you wrong. EW! Or show there are different ways of interpreting the same factual events. The idea is to set aside the subjective (biases, opinions) for the objective (facts) to analyze and interpret facts as objectively as possible. However, because we are human, incoming information goes through our personal filters built from a combination of our genetic makeup and environmental experiences. Building a CT skillset can be quite challenging yet is worth the process for healthier relationships.

Critical Thinking Guidelines

Think about the last argument with your partner or other loved one. Oh, that was just last night? And you’re still mad because they didn’t understand your point of view? To hell with them anyway!!! No? You still love them as much as you want to disown them in this moment? How about we walk through critical thinking guidelines and revisit that fight in a different way.

I’ve used Carol Tavris’ Eight Guidelines for Critical Thinking in classes for over two decades. She uses such an easy straight forward process that we are going to use her guidelines as our template with relationships as our focus.

1. Ask questions: curiosity without judgment.

Fill yourself with the wonder like a kid. Remember the terrific threes when every question was why… how come… what about…? Here we revisit that wonder with being curious about your partner and their point of view. What was the fight about? Why was your partner standing their ground and arguing about this topic? Why were you? How come you were not able to come to an agreement? Is this an ongoing argument or a cover disagreement hiding deeper disagreements?

2. Define your terms. 

Operational definitions are a key piece of research for being clear and explicit on exactly what you are studying. A simple example is if you’re studying children, what age are you talking about? Under 12? Ages 5 to 10? Being as clear as possible helps everyone be on the same page. With relationships, this may be more challenging, but let’s try. You told your partner you are angry. Angry with what exactly? Are you angry you didn’t get your way? Are you angry because your partner didn’t understand? If your partner said they just wanted to be happy, what exactly does that mean to them? If you’re not sure, be curious and ask.

3. Examine the evidence.

What evidence do you have supporting your point of view? Your opinion? Past experiences? What supports your partner’s point of view? Their opinion? Their experiences? Evidence is about objective content that can be verified in some way. For example, you had a disagreement with your loved one. Fact. You think your loved one should change their behavior. Opinion. The car is red. Fact. You like red cars. Opinion. There is a difference in finding evidence that supports facts and acknowledging the subjective nature of opinions.

4. Analyze assumptions and biases.

Belief systems and moral codes are important to life. Yet, these biases can get in the way of healthy relationships when our systems and codes clash. When we separate the objective (factual) information from the subjective (opinion), we give ourselves room to examine how our assumptions about others and how things should be (opinion). We also open our minds to acknowledging we may be wrong and/or our loved one’s perspective is as important to them as ours is to us. Think about what biases you hold that influence your expectations around life.

5. Avoid emotional reasoning. 

Back to the emotional experience of anger that you may be still experiencing. How much do you let that emotion take over? Do you focus on how mad you are / were and how right you were to be angry? The fact that you feel strongly about something doesn’t make you right! Remember everyone holds convictions about how the world operates (or how it should operate), and others are as serious about their convictions as you are about yours. Feelings are important, but they can cloud our perspective.

6. Don’t oversimplify. 

Oversimplifications are where our biases and stereotypes can take over and cloud our viewpoint. They lead us down a trail of confirmation bias, which is focusing on examples that confirm our point of view and ignoring contradictory information. If we look beyond the obvious (our partner always…), reject simplistic thinking (women are…) and examine our expectations (our partner should…), we can open our minds to how this type of fallback into easy cognitive shortcuts can keep us entrenched in focusing on how right we are. Be wary of arguing by anecdote and focusing on the one example (80 year old healthy smoker) that contradicts the larger phenomenon (how many 80 year old smokers are there still alive?).

7. Consider other interpretations. 

It can be hard to admit your partner’s completely different conclusion may be valid. This reminds me of being a fish and jumping into a new pond for a few minutes because a fish out of water only survives for so long, but if it jumps into a new pond, it can take a bit to adjust but won’t die (fingers crossed). Before you draw a conclusion from the supposed evidence (revisit #3 and 4), think creatively about other possible explanations and especially from your partner’s perspective. Also, don’t automatically think things are cause and effect; they may be correlated. Or may seem connected but are not.

8. Tolerate uncertainty.

This can be the hardest step in becoming a critical thinker. It requires us to live with the realization we don’t know and may never have an answer. Why is your partner crying again? Maybe they don’t even know. Ask with nonjudgment if you can give them a hug.

Pseudoscience, or false science, twists objective information into false answers. We are staying in our own pseudoscience when we want things to fit our subjective point of view and refuse to even consider the evidence in front of us. When we should on our partners, expect them to think the way we do, and refuse to admit that our quick easy answer is wrong, we can cause real damage to that relationship.